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‘My mania has only lasted a few weeks.’
‘I feel it’s my duty to say, it’s something that can set in and take over - to wit, my poor friend. He’s called Hank, by the way.’
‘Naturally.’
‘A good man. Sad to see, someone going that way.’
‘Luckily I have a daughter coming home from school next month, by which time I’ll be normal.’
‘It might go underground,’ he said, sitting on the table and swinging his lanky legs.
Anna began switching covers up on the bed.
‘Is that for my benefit?’
‘Who else?’
‘Unmade beds are my speciality.’ He approached her silently as she bent over the bed, and she said: ‘I’ve had all I can take of cold and efficient sex.’
He returned to the table, and remarked: ‘Haven’t we all? What’s happened to all that warm and committed sex we read about in books?’
‘It’s gone underground,’ said Anna.
‘Besides, I’m not even efficient.’
‘Haven’t you ever had it at all?’ said Anna, making a point.
She turned, the bed made. They smiled at each other, ironic.
‘I love my wife.’
Anna laughed.
‘Yeah. That’s why I’m divorcing her. Or she’s divorcing me.’
‘Well, a man loved me once - I mean, really.’
‘And so?’
‘And so he ditched me.’
‘Understandable. Love is too difficult.’
‘And sex too cold.’
‘You mean, you’ve been chaste ever since?’
‘Hardly.’
‘I thought not.’
‘All the same.’
‘Having made our positions clear, can we go to bed? I’m a bit lit, and I’m sleepy. And I can’t sleep alone.’
The I can’t sleep alone was said with the cold ruthlessness of someone in extremity. Anna was startled, then came out of herself to really examine him. He sat smiling on her table, a man holding himself together in desperation.
‘I can still sleep alone,’ said Anna.
‘Then from the advantage of your position you can be generous.’
‘It’s all very well.’
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About
The Golden Notebook is a collaboration between if:book London and Apt.
Principal funding by Arts Council England.
HarperCollins, the publisher of The Golden Notebook, digitized the book for us and generously gave permission to reproduce it here in its entirety at no cost.
Additional support from The John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation and New York University
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