‘Do you realize, Anna, what a farce it all is? I can’t even give that child of mine money? Do you realize how utterly bloodily bizarre — Jackson earns five quid a month. Admittedly, burdened down by children and the senile as I am, five quid a month is a lot to me — but if I gave Marie five pounds, just to get that poor kid some decent clothes, it would be so much money for them that … she told me, food for the Jackson family costs ten shillings a week. They live on pumpkin and mealiemeal and scraps from the kitchen.’

‘Doesn’t Jackson even suspect?’

‘Marie thinks not. I asked her. Do you know what she said: “He’s a good husband to me,” she said. “He’s kind to me and all my children” … do you know, Anna, when she said that, I’ve never in all my life felt such a sod.’

‘You’re still sleeping with her?’

‘Yes. Do you know, Anna, I love that woman, I love that woman so much that …’

After a while we saw Mrs Boothby come out of the kitchen and walk towards Paul and Jackson. Jackson went into his shack, and Mrs Boothby, rigid with lonely anger, went to her house. Paul came in to us and told us she had said to Jackson: ‘I don’t give you time off to talk cheeky with white men who ought to know better.’ Paul was too angry to be flippant. He said: ‘My God, Anna, my God. My God.’ Then, slowly recovering, he swung me off to dance again and said: ‘What really interests me is that there are people, like you for instance, who genuinely believe that the world can be changed.’

We spent the evening dancing and drinking. We all went to bed very late. Willi and I went to bed in a bad temper with each other. He was angry because George had been pouring out his troubles again and he was bored with George. He said to me: ‘You and Paul seem to be getting on very well.’ He could have said that any time during the last six months. I replied: ‘And it’s equally true that you and Maryrose are.’ We were already in our twin beds on either side of the room. He had some book on the development of early German socialism in his hand. He sat there, all his intelligence concentrated behind his gleaming spectacles, wondering if it was worth while to quarrel. I think he decided it would only turn into our familiar argument about George … ‘sloppy sentimentality’ vs ‘dogmatic bureaucracy’. Or perhaps — for he was a man incredibly ignorant about his motives — he believed that he resented my relationship with Paul. And perhaps he did. Challenged then, I replied: ‘Maryrose.’ Challenged now, I would say that every woman believes in her heart that if her man does not satisfy her she has a right to go to another. That is her first and strongest thought, regardless of how she might soften it later out of pity or expediency. But Willi and I were not together because of sex. And so? I write this and think how strong must have been that argumentative battling quality between us that even now I instinctively and out of sheer habit assess it in terms of rights or wrongs. Stupid. It’s always stupid.